Iron Chef! Inu Yasha Style!
by Feng Shui Goddess
Summary: Finally, the Iron Chef Inu Yasha Style series has been updated, and released under my new name! Previously unreleased Chapter 3 is now up! A comedy sure to bring lots of cooking fun and excitement!
1. Panic In Kitchen Stadium!

{A.N:} Hiya, everyone! Emiri (Mononoke no Chi) here! This is a really silly fic, but I  
almost guarentee that it'll bring you a few laughs! It's based on your basic Iron Chef cooking  
show, except with Kikyo against Kagome! They're fighting over Inu-Yasha's love! Pleaseeee  
REWIEW!! Well, here's the fic!!  
  
Disclaimer: I dont own Iron Chef or Inu-Yasha, so dont sue meeeee!!  
  
Iron Chef!  
Inu-Yasha Style  
  
*Big gong rings*  
  
Host (dubbed over in English):Today we have quite the show for you! Prepairing origional   
culinary sensations, we have Higurashi Kagome all the way from Tokyo!  
  
(movie of Kagome starts) She's a beautiful young girl who is a reincarnated pristess! One day  
she fell in a well and ended up in Sengoku Jidai! Can you believe it? She was nominated 'best  
ramen chef' by many people (picture of Inu-Yasha and Shippo) and is here today to claim her  
lovers heart! Give her a warm welcome, everyone!  
  
*Kagome walks out from behind stage with Kouga holding a sign that reads 'KAGOME ROCKS!'.  
She's wearing her usual school apron (God forbid she wear anything else) and a chef hat.*  
  
*Quote appears on screen reading, 'Tell me what you eat; and I'll tell you what you are'.*  
  
(Intro seen starts, with that creepy host coming out in his black shiny shoes with an elaborate  
costume complete with a babboon cloak. He slowly walks down the steps and takes a big bite  
out of a red bell pepper, gagging.)  
  
Host: Now it's time for Higurashi San to pick her opponent!  
  
* Curtains draw back, revealing Miroku, Sessho-Maru, and Kikyo *  
  
Host: All three of these people are blessed with horrible cooking skills, now, Higurashi San,   
who would you like to challenge?  
  
Kagome: Umm... I... Well...  
  
Sessho-Maru: PICK ME! I DID MY NAILS JUST FOR THE SHOW!!  
  
* Sessho holds up his nails, revealing a manacuer *  
  
Kagome: *sweatdrop* Umm... Umm... KIKYO!!  
  
Kikyo: *evil laugh* WE SHALL DUEL FOR INU-YASHA'S HEART!  
  
Host: A-anyways, let's reveal the.... INGREDIENT!  
  
* The host pulls the cloth off of a huge box, revealing-- *  
  
Kikyo: What... what is that?!  
  
Host: DOG FOOD!!!!  
  
Kagome: *sweatdrop* YOU EXPECT US TO COOK WITH THAT?!  
  
* LET THE COOKING SHOWDOWN BEGIN!! *  
  
( Kagome and Kikyo both take buckets of dog food to where they're stationed in the huge  
kitchen )  
  
* Meanwhile *   
  
Kesan (or whatever his name is) : Today on the panel, we have Demon Slayer Sango, singer  
Hayashibara Megumi, and Hanyo Inu-Yasha! It's a pleasure to have all of you here!  
  
Hayashibara San: It's a pleasure to be here, Kesan!  
  
Sango: Yes, thank you for inviting us!  
  
Inu-Yasha: FEH!  
  
Hayashibara San: Ohh, my... I wonder what Higurashi San is doing?  
  
*Kagome buts the dog food in a blender, with a paper clip on her nose *  
  
Kesan: Ah, my! This looks simply delicious!  
  
Sango: Do we have to eat that stuff?  
  
* Back to Kagome and Kikyo *  
  
(Kikyo is chasing the host around with bows and arrows trying to kill him, while Kagome is   
pouring the dog food into a tray, about to puke)  
  
Kagome: This dish shall be truly irrestable! (throws the dog food into the oven)  
  
Kesan: It appears the Higurashi San is perhaps making a cake out of dog food?  
  
Hayashibara San: Ah, my! This reminds me of leaves flowing through the wind...  
  
Sango: *gimme a break*  
  
Inu-Yasha: There's something wrong with that woman!  
  
Hayashibara San: *smacks Inu-Yasha on the head*  
  
(Kikyo is still chasing the host around, threatning to take him to hell)  
  
Kagome: (removes dog food from oven, and boils some water to cook ramen in)  
  
Kesan: Ah, my! It appears that Higurashi San is attempting to cook ramen!  
  
Inu-Yasha: RAMEN?! WHEREEEE????? (about to tackle Kesan)  
  
Kagome: OSUWARI!  
  
*thump*  
  
(Kikyo finally settles down and attempts to cook dog food mixed in with earth and bones)  
  
Kesan: My, my! It appears that Kikyo is attempting to cook with earth, bones, and dog food! I  
can't wait until the results for this dish!  
  
Hayashibara San: Yes, it is so origional, I can't wait until I taste it! It reminds me of autmn  
leaves falling from above...  
  
Sango: Gimme a break!  
  
Kagome: (adds ramen to the boiling water and throws in some seasonings) I'll definately win  
his heart with this one! Not that I care, or anything!  
  
Speaker: 30 minutes of battle remaining  
  
(Kagome adds some dog food into the ice cream machine, while her ramen cooks, Kikyo smas-  
hes her earth/bone/dog food concotion with a hammer, sending dog food everywhere.)  
  
Kesan: Kikyo has just attacked her food with a hammer! How wonderful!  
  
Inu-Yasha: (licks some dog food off of face) Nee, this stuff isn't all that bad!  
  
Sango: You sicko!  
  
(Kikyo scoops some of her food into little bowls, putting a cherry on top of each dish.)  
  
Hayashibara San: Wow! I can't wait to try that! Her creativeness really shows with this dish!  
  
Sango: I'm NOT eating that!  
  
Kesan: Sango, I'm no culinary critic, but anyone sane would at least try that dish!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Feh!  
  
(Kagome takes out her ramen, and pours it onto her pan filled with fried dog food, and then   
runs over to the ice cream machine, taking it out and scooping it into little bowls, adding dog  
biscuts on top *the ones shaped like little dog bones*)  
  
Speaker: 15 minutes left of battle  
  
Hayashibara San: Kesan! Kesan!  
  
Kesan: Yes?  
  
Hayashibara San: Oh, nothing. People just haven't been saying your name much this episode.  
  
Kesan: *sweatdrop* Uh, thanks, I guess...  
  
Inu-Yasha: Kagome is the best chef in the world!  
  
Sango: You flirt!  
  
(Kagome puts her dog food/ramen thing onto plates, garnishing it with pepperica, Kikyo runs  
around in circles threatning to take people to hell with her.)  
  
Kikyo: (talking to Kesan) Kesan... would you like to come to hell with me?  
  
Kesan: Uh, no thanks...  
  
Kikyo: C'mon! You're no fun! (walks up to Inu-Yasha) How 'bout you, cutie?  
  
Inu-Yasha: GO TO HELL, BITCH!  
  
Kikyo: what a comeback!  
  
(Kagome comes over to Kikyo and slaps her.)  
  
*crash!*  
  
*bang!*  
  
Speaker: 1 minute of battle, remainging.  
  
Kagome: Oh, noooooo!!! (runs over and quickle makes some tea out of dog food and pours it  
into little cups)  
  
Speaker: 30 seconds, remaining.  
  
Kikyo: FINALLY! THIS IS GETTING SO BORING!!  
  
Kesan: Oh, my, how exciting!  
  
Speaker: TIME UP!!!  
  
(Inu-Yasha jumps up, the loud noise surprising him)  
  
*~*~*~* Tasting *~*~*~*  
  
Host: With us today we have:  
Lower House Member Kaiyuchi Kenichi  
Fortune Teller Takeuchi Sakura  
Demon Hunter Sango  
Hentai Monk Miroku  
Dog Demon Inu-Yasha  
Singer Hayashibara Megumi  
  
Host: First we will have our challenger, Higurashi Kagome, she has prepaired for us three  
dishes. The first one will be 'Ramen Dog Food Cake'  
  
Kagome: This is meant to be eaten with soi sauce (passes around soi sauce) so please add some  
to your food.  
  
Hayashibara San: Wow, this is really... very good. At first, the taste is salty, but then, it gets  
sweeter the more you eat it! Excellent!  
  
Takeuchi San: I first predicted that this dish would be absolutely horrible; but I was wrong.  
This dish is like a roller coaster ride, it makes my taste buds go up and down... Oishii yo!  
  
Miroku: My darling Kagome, this is wonderful! Will you please bear my --- (Miroku is cut  
off by Sango hitting him over the head with her boomerang)  
  
Sango: (blushing) Hai, this is quite good, Kagome Chan!  
  
Inu-Yasha: (too busy chewing to say anything, but nods in approval)  
  
Kenichi: (face is green) f-furuba wa doko desu ka?! (where's the bathroom?!)  
{A.N:} poor Kenichi!  
  
Kagome: This second dish is dog food ice cream. It's meant to be eaten slowly,  
using the dog biscut as a spoon.  
  
Takeuchi San: This dish is soothes my tastebuds, and the aroma is just to wonderful! Can   
I have more?  
  
Hayashibara San: My, what an exotic flavor! The texture is very nice, and it feels nice on my  
tounge... The coldness of this dish really adds to the flavor.  
  
Inu-Yasha: Wow, Kagome! Make me more of this later, okay?!  
  
Sango: It's pretty good... if you plug your nose.  
  
Miroku: This dish is wonderful, just like you!  
  
Kagome: This third dish was something that I whipped up... I hope you enjoy it!  
  
(Upon looking at the tea with clumps of dog food in it, everyone refused to eat it.)  
  
Host: And now, Iron Chen Kikyo has prepaired one dish for us.  
  
Kikyo: I call this dish 'come with me to hell'. It has real bones and dirt in it, too!  
  
Hayashibara San: This dish... Is disgusting! It tasted like charcoal! I thought that this dish was  
going to be delightful, but I was mistaken! Excuse me for not liking it.  
  
Kikyo: NANI?! (her glowly ball things float around Hayashibara San, dragging her to hell.  
  
Sango: WOW THIS DISH IS SO DELICIOUS I WANT MORE! (Sango gags) Isn't this so good?!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Yes this is quite good!   
  
Miroku: THIS IS SO GOOD WILL YOU BEAR MY ---  
  
*thump*  
  
Takeuchi San: Wow... this dish is breatakingly good! I love it!  
  
Kenichi: This dish is truly amazing!  
  
~*~*~*~*~the verdict~*~*~*~*~  
  
Host: Both of these beautiful women did outstanding jobs prepairing dishes out of such an   
odd ingredient! But, the verdict concludes that... KAGOME IS THE WINNER!  
  
(Kagome and Kikyo give eachother death glanges as Kagome smirks; because she won Inu-Yasha's  
love!)  
  
Inu-Yasha: Congrats, Kagome! *Pats Kagome on the back, and gives her a hug*  
  
Host: Well, that's it for this show, minna-san! This has definately been a culinary surprise!  
  
*Kikyo invites the host to hell again, and the credits roll*  
  
~~~~~~~~end~~~~~~  
  
{A.N:} well, how was it? Gosh, it's so long! Yay! finally a long ficcie!!! YAAAAY!!! Please, review.  
Also, I'm sorry that I made fun of Kikyo so much! I have nothing against her! Also, sorry about  
the OOCness! PLEASE REVIEW!!!! 


	2. Alligators on Land! May Buddah Help Us!

(A.N:) Hey everyone! Emiri here! I wasn't pleased about my other Iron  
Chef ficcie, so I am writing another one, hopefully funnier and better  
thought out. The plot is different, so please read it even if you read  
the first one! I am sure you'll enjoy.  
  
(Disclaimer: I dont own Iron Chef of Inu yasha, so dont sue poor little  
me (pulls out life's savings, 5000 yen)  
  
Iron Chef: Battle 2  
By: Emiru the CRAZY Metal Mononoke  
  
::creepy host comes out with big boa around his neck and bows::  
  
Host: Today we have an exciting show for you... let me introduce our  
challenger!  
  
::video rolls:: All the way from sengoku jidai, we have Inu-Yasha!  
Cursed with prayer beads, he is permanently attatched to his lover--  
  
::Inu-Yasha runs out from backstage and strangles host::  
  
Inu-Yasha: What do you think you're doing, human?! How dare you assume  
that I am in love with that idiot girl?!  
  
::from back stage:: Osuwari!  
  
*thump*  
  
Host: anyways, Inuyasha, you must chosse who you wish to battle against  
in todays fierce battle! First we have:  
  
::curtain draws back revealing Sessho-Maru::  
  
Host: Your half brother Sesshomaru.  
  
Sesshomaru: That is Sesshomaru SAMA to you, human!  
  
Host: Moving on--   
  
::curtain draws back revealing Shippo::  
  
Host: The kawaii kitsune Shippo!  
  
Host: --And finally--  
  
::curtain draws back revealing Kaede::  
  
Host: The old pristess Kaede Sama!  
  
Host: Now, Inu-Yasha, who will you choose to battle against today?!  
  
Inu-Yasha: SESSHOMARU! ::glare of death::  
  
Sesshomaru: So I see. Since you cannot defeat me in battle, I suppose  
you shall try to defeat me at something else! *snort* How clever of you!  
  
Inu-Yasha: I won't lose, baka!  
  
*Theme music*  
  
::the host walks out with his tap dancing shoes on and approaches the   
table with bell pepers. He picks up one, takes a really loud bite out   
of it, and gags as the camera backs away::  
(A.N: if you watch him closely, you will se that he really does gag  
after he bites the pepper! ^ ^;;)  
  
Quote appears: 'Tell me what you eat, and I'll tell you what you are.'  
  
:: Inu-Yasha walks out in his fire rat kimono with Tessagia at his waist,  
he looks very angry::  
  
Host: Now-- for today, our main ingrediant will be--  
  
:pulls off cover::  
  
Host: This battle will be--- ALLIGATOR!  
  
Inu-Yasha and Sesshomaru: A-Alligator?!  
  
Inu-Yasha *good thing I brought Tessagia*  
  
Sesshomaru: *my nails will get ruined!*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Battle Time!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kasan: Today on the panel we have:  
Singer/Seiyuu Hiro Yuuki  
Reincarnated pristess Higurashi Kagome  
Sesshomaru's future bride Rin  
  
Rin: Rin is future bride of Sesshomaru Sama?  
  
*Back in the kitchen Inu-Yasha is chasing around the alligators with   
Tessigia attempting to decapitate them, while Sesshomaru is chasing   
them with a huge steel mallet*  
  
Inu-Yasha: *picks up about 3 dead alligator and brings them back to his  
working space* There, this will be enough!  
  
Sesshomaru: *takes some alligator back to his working area* I will   
definately win this battle!  
  
Ota: Kasan!  
  
Kasan: Yes, Ota?  
  
Ota: Upon asking Sesshomaru about he felt about this battle, he said  
'I will not lose! No way is my half breed brother going to beat me  
at something like this!'  
  
Kasan: It appears that Sesshomaru is very confident in this battle!  
  
Rin: *pulls out 'go Sesshomaru Sama' flag and waves it* GO SESSHOMARU  
SAMA!  
  
Kagome: Hmm... do either of them even know how to cook?  
  
Yuuki: *bats eyelashes at Kagome* Hey... baby...  
  
Sesshomaru: *filets the alligator alive and laughs as it struggles to  
live, and then throws it into the oven after he coats it with leaves  
and salt* I will not lose!  
  
Ota: Kasan!  
  
Kasan: Yes, Ota!  
  
Ota: The batter that Iron Chef Sesshomaru put around the alligator consists  
of salt, sake, soi sause, wakami and tofu.  
  
Kagome: I wonder if that is to flavor the meat, or if we eat it with  
the meat?  
  
Yuuki: This sounds elagant!  
  
*Rin puts flowers in Ota's hair*  
  
Inu-Yasha: *slices the alligator into thin square shapes and boils some  
rice* I know how to make sushi!  
  
Ota: I asked how Inu-Yasha felt about this battle, and he said 'no way  
am I going to lost to Sesshomaru, I will definately win this battle!'  
  
Kasan: He sure sounds confidant!  
  
Kagome: Maybe he has learned something from watching me cook for him!  
  
Yuuki: How respectable.  
(A.N: in case you havent noticed, Yuuki is a major bishounen, and a  
flirt, but he is super cute! :drool:)  
  
*Sesshomaru pulls his meat out of the oven, and sets it out to cool,  
and then he boils some sake*  
  
Inu-Yasha: * takes rice off the stove, and puts it into a freezer to   
cool* Now what should I do?  
  
Speaker: 30 minutes have elapsed  
  
Inu-Yasha: *chops up some alligator meat, adds daishi, shiitake mushrooms,  
and asoparagaso, and cooks it on the stove*  
  
*Sesshomaru puts aisu kuremu in little dishes, and pours sake over it.*  
  
Inu-Yasha: Puts alligator into a blender, cooks it, and takes some rice  
and boils it, adding sake and sugar.  
  
Kasan: It appears the Inu-Yasha is almost cooking gohan to keiniku (  
chicken and rice) but, without the chicken, will it be the same?  
  
Kagome: Inu-Yasha actucally looks like he knows what he's doing---  
  
Rin: Sesshomaru sama is a better cook than Inu-Yasha!  
  
*Kagome and Rin have a death glare moment*  
  
Yuuki: Now, ladies-- please dont fight!  
  
*Inuyasha takes his rice out of the freezer and makes sushi with the  
alligator, the rice, and some seaweed. He adds daishi, wasabi, tofu,   
and cucumbers*  
  
*Sesshomaru slices the meat very thin, and then puts it onto little  
plates, garnished with alligator eyeballs*  
  
*Inuyasha makes some eggs with sake, sugar, and vanilla and makes the  
egg into an omelette. Then he adds some soi sauce to the rice and   
alligator, and mixes it all together into bowls.*  
  
Speaker: 15 minutes of battle remaining--  
  
Ota: Kasan! Kasan!  
  
Kasan: Yes, Ota?  
  
Ota: When I asked challenger Inu-Yasha about how he felt this battle   
was going he said, 'we don't often use alligator in Japan, but it  
doesn't mean it can't be done! I think I am doing just fine!'  
  
Kagome: *yells really loud* GO INU-YASHA!  
  
Rin: Hey! What about Sesshomaru Sama?!  
  
Yuuki: You've got to respect the bishounen ::bats eyelashes at Kagome::  
  
Kagome: s-sicko---  
  
*Inu-Yasha quickly whips up an alligater parfait with fruit and alligator  
seasoned with sugar*  
  
*Sesshomaru puts alligator into the icecream/sake dessert thingy,  
remembering he forgot to add it*  
  
~~~~~~~~All of a sudden!!~~~~~~  
  
*CRASH*  
  
::Sesshomaru runs into Inu-Yasha! Oh, no!::  
  
Sesshomaru: YOU VILE, PUTRID HALF BREED! HOW DARE YOU GET INTO MY WAY!?  
  
Inu-Yasha: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT 'FLUFFY'!?  
  
::Sesshomaru takes a knife off of the counter and points it at Inu-Yasha::  
  
*Masuharu Morimoto appears out of nowhere, with tenshi wings and a white  
yukata*  
  
Inu-Yasha and Sesshomaru: WHAT THE?!  
  
Masuharu: Don't you know that knives and cutting boards are sacred to  
the Japanese culture?! How dare you attempt to defile them so carelessly!  
(A.N: I'm sorry, but when he said that in the bobby flay battle I almost  
died laughing! *laugh* I'm Japanese but I dont kiss my cutting boards  
and knives every day ^ ^;;)  
  
Speaker: 5 minutes of battle remaining--  
  
Inu-Yasha: KUSO!!  
  
*Inu-Yasha rushes to his parfait and garnishes it with whipped kuremu*  
  
Sesshomaru: *drinks a bottle of Iron Chef's finest sake, and smiles with  
approval* NOW WE'RE TALKIN'!  
  
Rin: *yells at Sesshomaru* BAD SESSHOMARU SAMA!!  
  
Kagome: *Laughs* Rin Chan wa KAWAII!  
  
Yuuki: Not as kawaii as you, Higurashi San.  
  
Speaker: 1 minute of battle remaining---  
  
Inu-Yasha: *looks at Kagome with a happy smile, mouthing 'arigato'*  
  
Kagome: Hentai--  
  
Kasan: WHOSE CUISENE WILL REIGN SUPREME?!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tasting~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Host: First, the challenger Inu-Yasha has prepaired 4 dishes for us today.  
First, we have 'alligator sushi' Saying he was inspired by autmn leaves,  
Inu-Yasha claims that this will have a very unique taste. The second  
dish he has prepaired for us is vegetables and alligator. This is usually  
a winter dish, but he says it will be fine. Third, he has a new version  
of the classic dish 'chicken and rice' but without the chicken, will  
it taste the same?! Finally he has prepaired for us alligator parfait.  
His imagionation really shows with this dish.  
  
Host: Iron Chef Sesshomaru has prepaired a meer 2 dishes for us today.  
First he has prepaired 'alligator filet'. He has also prepaired 'alligator  
ice cream'. Will the panel respect his creativity, or will they shun  
down upon him?   
  
Host: On the panel today we have:  
Freeloader Fortune Teller: Shikoshiru Chitoshi  
Student: Higurashi Kagome  
Awesome bishounen/Seiyuu: Hiro Yuuki  
Mysterious girl: Rin  
Culinary Critic: Chigasaki Kenichi  
  
Inu-Yasha: The first dish I have prepaired for you is 'alligator sushi'.  
Don't like it and I'll kill you.  
  
Kagome: Osuwari!  
  
*thump*  
  
Shikoshiru: Ah, my. This is very realxing and nice in my mouth. Truly  
a wonderful job.  
  
Yuuki Chan: Elegant.  
  
Kagome: Wow! Nice job dog boy!  
  
Inu-Yasha: My second dish is 'Vegetables and Alligator'.  
  
Rin: This is yummy, dog boy. Rin like.  
  
Chigasaki: This is a wonderful dish. You did a great job on this.  
  
Yuuki Chan: Wonderful.  
  
Inu-Yasha: My third dish is 'Alligator and Rice'.  
  
Kagome: Oishii! Good job Inu-Yasha!  
  
Shikoshiru: Once again, very nice.  
  
Rin: Rin think this is okay.  
  
Inu-Yasha: My final dish is 'Alligator Parfait'.  
  
Kagome: How'd you know what a parfait is, Inu-Yasha?  
  
Inu-Yasha: *snort* Jealous?  
  
Kagome: Never mind!  
  
Shikoshiru: T-this is awful! I'm sorry, but it truly is!  
  
Kagome: This sucks, Inu-Yasha!  
  
Yuuki Chan: Disgraceful.  
  
Inu-Yasha: SHUT UP!  
  
Host: Moving on, our Iron Chef Sesshomaru has created a meer 2 dishes  
for us today.  
  
Sesshomaru: My first dish is 'Alligator Filet'.  
  
Rin: Yay for Sesshomaru Sama!  
  
Kagome: Not bad for someone as vile as you!  
  
Yuuki Chan: Sophisticated.  
  
My second dish is 'Alligator Ice Cream'.  
  
Shikoshiru: Yuck! This tastes like sake icecream!  
  
Chigasaki: The taste is to blunt in this dish.  
  
Kagome: This sucks...  
  
Sesshomaru: NANIII?!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The verdict~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Host: This was a semi hard decision but--- INU-YASHA IS THE WINNER!  
  
*Inu-Yasha and Sesshomaru give eachother long death galres*  
  
Kagome: Inu-Yasha! Time to go!  
  
*As the credit music plays, the camera zooms in as the host is seen  
kissing some knives and a cutting board*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(A.N) Soo--- How was it? Please review, I want to know how many people  
actucally read this and if it was worth all my time. Thank you Ash   
Oneesan for the last line of the story! Kakkoii! Well, matane! 


	3. New Uses for Wax! Has Host Lost It!

(Disclaimer:) I had no part in the creating of Inu-Yasha at all. But I do own some pretty nifty merchandise! ::big smile:: So that's almost as good, right? ::I wish....:: Oh, and not to forget--- I don't own Iron Chef, either! That crazy monkey man owns it... I don't recall his name!  
  
A.N. : : Hello everyone! Gosh, I haven't written in a looooong time.... At least for FanFiction.net. lol. But I was recently inspired yet again by an Iron Chef marathon (12 hours) to continue this interesting saga... More disgusting food, strange twists and irony to come! Irony.. heh... Iron Chef, Irony! Hahaha! Isn't that IRONic!? So please read and rewiew so I can be inspired more on a sequal to this story!  
  
Iron Chef: Inu-Yasha style!  
Battle 3  
By: Emiru the Metal Mononoke  
  
(::Text appears:: Tell me what you eat, and I'll tell you what you are...)  
  
::Host, dressed in a baboon pelt over his famous cow-like shirt appears::  
  
Host: If memory serves me right, there is a man in this world that has the strength to challenge one of my men of steel, the Iron Chefs. He was raised near a woman's bath house in Feudal Japan, and has thus grown to be one of the most lecherous men in the world. Specializing in many cuisine styles, shall he be one to defeat my Iron Chefs?!  
  
::Overly dramatic opera music plays, and the Iron Chef logo appears on the screen, followed by the host biting one of those yellow bell peppers, followed by a gag.::  
  
Host: Now, Miroku, stand before my men of iron and show them your skill! Rise, Iron Chefs! And show this man the power of IRON!  
  
:: Kouga, Kirara, and Shippo rise up on platforms::  
  
Miroku: Shippo! You and I shall battle for Kagome's love!  
  
Shippo: But I don't even LIKE Kagome!  
  
Miroku: Silence, fool! Of course you do! Everyone does!  
  
Shippo: O....k.....  
  
Host: Shippo! Miroku! Are you prepaired for the difficult battle ahead of you?  
  
::Miroku and Shippo both blink twice::  
  
Together:: Yes...  
  
Host:: Well then! I shall unvail the main ingrediant!  
  
::Host pulls a cloth over a fishtank sized container revealing...::  
  
Host:: Mint flavored wax!  
  
Miroku: Mint flavored.... wax....?  
  
Host:: Yes, you use it for braces, you know?  
  
Miroku: Braces...?  
  
Shippo: Do many people eat this?  
  
Host: I do. (Opens up mouth to reveal chewed pieces of wax) Now, begin the battle! You have one hour to make as many dishes as possible!  
  
Kaasan: Joining us on the panel today is:  
Famous murderer: Himowaru Osamu  
High school student: Higurashi Kagome  
Sexy bishounen: Sesshomaru-Sama  
  
Kagome: It's an honor to be here.  
  
Osamu: Wax? We never had anything as good as this in prison!  
  
Sesshomaru: I can't blame you for inviting someone as beautiful as me...  
  
Ota: Kaasan! Kaasan!  
  
Kaasan: Yes Ota?  
  
Ota: The ingrediants that challenger just put into that pot were wax and sake!  
  
Kaasan: Thank you, Ota!  
  
Kagome: Perhaps he's planning to make some sort of sauce?  
  
Osamu: Ah, I can't wait!  
  
::Shippo melts some wax in a pot on the stove, and dips some acorns in the melted wax::  
  
Ota: Kaasan!  
  
Kaasan: Yes, Ota!  
  
Ota: Iron Chef Shippo has just melted wax and is now dipping acorns into it!  
  
Kagome: Ah my! How splendid!  
  
Osamu: Acorns? I don't recall ever eating one of those...  
  
Sesshomaru: Oh no! The wax could possibly get into my perfect hair!  
  
::Miroku pulls out a sledge hammer and starts pounding a slab of wax::  
  
Ota: Kaasan! Challenger Miroku is now tenderizing the wax!  
  
Osamu: Oh, perhaps he plans make a suflee? Or make flambay?  
  
Kagome: Or make some sort of parfait? Or puree?  
  
Sesshomaru: Or run in the rain while eating hay and acting gay?  
  
Kaasan: I doubt it, considering he is Japanese, not French.  
  
Kagome: True...  
  
::Miroku puts the wax in the oven in a cake pan::  
  
Osamu: Aa! A cake!  
  
Sesshomaru: I love cake!  
  
::Shippo puts some wax into a blender::  
  
Kagome:: Hey... won't the wax stick to the blades in the blender...?  
  
Ota: That's not likely, due to the fact that braces wax is designed not to get caught up in metal!   
  
Kagome: Aa...  
  
Ota: Kaasan! Kaasan!  
  
Kaasan: Yes Ota!  
  
Ota: The iron chef says that he is planning to make something called a 'milkshake' with the wax in the blender!  
  
Kaasan: Oh, my! It sounds as if milk is going to be added to the blender?  
  
Kagome: Uuh... That's usually how you make a milkshake. - -;  
  
::Shippo adds milk and a little bit of vanilla ice creme to the blender::  
  
::Miroku coats a slab of wax with salt and leaves::  
  
Ota: Aah Kaasan Kaasan!  
  
Kaasan: Yes, Ota!  
  
Ota: It looks like the challenger is seasoning the wax with salt!  
  
Sesshomaru: Oh, wow! I can't wait to sink my teeth into THAT wax!  
  
Osamu: Yes, it's sure to be elegant!  
  
::Miroku puts some wax into an ice cream maker::  
  
Kagome: Oh, wow! Wax ice cream! Yummm...  
  
::Miroku blows a kiss at Kagome, sending Inu-Yasha down from the sidelines to strangle him::  
  
Kagome: ::stares::  
  
Inu-Yasha: Damn you, Miroku! Tryin' to hit on my girl!  
  
Miroku: Oh, sure she's your girl, Inu-Yasha! You know Kagome loves me, you're just jealous!  
  
*Kagome sinks down in her chair*  
  
Inu-Yasha: I'll let you go this time, Miroku, but next time you won't be so lucky!  
  
Miroku: *mumbles* stupid dog...  
  
Inu-Yasha: That's it! ::steals Miroku's chef hat and puts it on running around in circles:: I've got yer hat! I've got yer HATTT! ::flies up to the stands next to Kagome::  
  
Miroku: o.O;; Ooookay....  
  
Ota: Yeer.... Back to the show!  
  
Speaker: 30 minutes... remaining...  
  
Kaasan: Half way through this battle, who will win?! Well, we'll just have to wait to find out, I suppose! We'll be right back with Iron Chef!  
  
~~~Commericials~~~  
  
Girl: Are you hungry? How about REALLY hungry? Yes, you say? Well, then! Grab a cup of instant ramen! Guarenteed to get you the man of your dreams, the smell of fresh ramen will send your lover running to your side! Try some ramen today! I mean, isn't love worth the 13 cents it costs to buy a package or ramen? Try it today!  
  
~~~End of commercials~~~  
  
Kaasan: Welcome back! As we left off, the challenger and a man from the stands just got into a fight! But now we're back to the cooking excitment of Iron Chef!  
  
::Shippo pours the wax milkshake into tall glasses, and Miroku takes his wax cake out of the oven::  
  
Miroku: This cake shall be as sweet as Kagome!  
  
Kagome: *sweat* give me a break...  
  
Inu-Yasha: I've got his hat! Kagome I got his hat! ::cuddles up in Kagome's lap:: Haaaaat....  
  
Osamu: So you two are lovers?  
  
Kagome: Eeer... no, no we're not!  
  
::Inu-Yasha purrs and rubs his head on Kagome, like a cat::  
  
Sessho-Maru: Inu-Yasha, you animal!  
  
Kagome: *stare*  
  
Kaasan: What a show this has been! Action, romance, and best of all, food! Buddah must be blessing us!  
  
::Miroku frosts his cake with processed tofu::  
  
Osamu: Elegant...! Tofu!  
  
Ota: Aa! Kaasan! It appears the challenger has frosted the wax cake with a mixture of processed tofu, soy sauce, and sugar!  
  
Kaasan: Oh wow, sugar! Sugar is so hard to come by now a days...  
  
Kagome: It is?  
  
Kaasan: Well, no... But what if it was hard to come by?  
  
Inu-Yasha: *rubbing his head on Kagome's leg* haaaat... Kagome I have a hatttt!  
  
Kagome: *pets Inu-Yasha's head* Yes, isn't that exciting Inu-Yasha!  
  
Osamu: Lovers...  
  
Sessho-Maru: So, have you two... eer... you know?  
  
Kagome: Shaken hands? Of course!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Meoooow...  
  
~Starting next week, NEKO-YASHA! An epic tale of a dog demon who got a species change!~  
  
Kagome: *blink blink* Where'd that come from?  
  
Me: *standing on a cloud above the kitchen stadium* Sorry, Kagome! But today I am your god! Bwahaha! Now... eer.. Back to the show! Sorry about that! ::waves:: ^ ^;;  
  
Kaasan: o.O;; Do strange things happen to you often, Higurashi San?  
  
Kagome: Too often, I'm afraid.  
  
::Miroku puts an odd ingrediant on a cutting board::  
  
Osamu: My God! Is-- Is that what I think it is?!  
  
Ota: Yes. Alligator tumors.  
  
Kaasan: He's making the alligator tumors into some type of paste! How exciting!  
  
Sessho-Maru: By GOD I love alligator tumors! I can't wait to sink my fangs into those decaying tumors!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Haaaat... Nyaaa...  
  
::Shippo covers steak in wax, then throws it in the oven::  
  
Speaker: Fifteen minutes of battle... Remaining...  
  
Ota: Kaasan! It appears as if the Iron Chef is making wax steak!  
  
Osamu: Wax steak? Wow, how elegant!  
  
Kaasan: Less than fifteen minutes of this exciting battle remaining! I can hardly sustain myself! This is so exciting!  
  
Ota: Calm yourself, Kaasan! We're jipped off and don't even get to eat the food that the Iron Chefs make!  
  
Kaasan: Damn, you're right!  
  
::Miroku pulls his salt covered tenderised wax out of the oven::  
  
Osamu: Oh, this smell is heavenly!  
  
::Shippo mixes wax and sunflower seeds together::  
  
Ota: Kaasan! The Iron Chef has just made some sort of concoction out of rice, sunflower seeds (shelled) and of course, mint flavored wax.  
  
Kaasan: Thank you for the update, Ota!  
  
Kagome: Rice balls, maybe?  
  
::Miroku makes sushi, but instead of using meat, adds mint flavored wax in the middle::  
  
Ota: The challenger is making wax sushi! How creative!  
  
Sessho Maru: Is that guy really that desperate for ideas that hes making wax sushi? How pathedic! I, of course, would make something much more elegant and classy, like a wax fondue! I love French food!  
  
Miroku: I heard that, you pansy!  
  
Sessho Maru: What was that? I, the great Sessho Maru Sama, a pansy? Don't be rediculous! No pansy would have such perfect hair, nails, and complection as I!  
  
Kagome: - -; *sigh* I think that's his point...  
  
Speaker: 10 minutes of battle... Remaining...  
  
Kaasan: When we return, this indepth battle will continue for the last 10 minutes! Now, to our sponcers!  
  
~Commercials~  
  
Next week on Fuji TV, starts the epic tale of a dog gone cat! By the insane Emiru the Metal Mononoke comes Neko-Yasha, the cat demon! Join Kagome, your average cat owner, as she meets girls best friend! Cat demons, of course! Neko Yasha is agile, enjoys rubbing his head on stuff, and of course, loves his mousey ( and his hat )! Outta the way Spring and Chaos! There's a new cat in town!  
  
Inu... eer.. Neko Yasha: Nyaaaa! I still got his hat Kagomeeee! His haaaaaat!  
  
~End of commercials~  
  
Kaasan: Welcome back! As we last left off, the challenger and a panelest got into an arguement! And there's less than 10 minutes left of this exciting challenge!  
  
Ota: Kaasan! Upon asking the challenger how he felt about this battle, he said 'I will win no matter what! My love for Kagome itself could melt this wax!'  
  
Kaasan: Thanks, Ota. It sounds as if the challenger is sure he's going to win and is confident in his skills!  
  
Kagome: *mumbles* What skill?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Ka-go-meee! *rub rub*  
  
Sessho Maru: Okay, Inu-Yasha, now you're just making me sick! Shut up already!  
  
::Miroku is seen running around the kitchen stadium adding finishing touches to his dishes::  
  
::Shippo puts his dishes together, and decorates his plates with little acorns::  
  
Ota: It appears as if the challenger and the Iron Chef are adding the finishing touches to their dishes!  
  
Kaasan: I must say, Ota, that this has truly been one of the most exciting and surprising battles thus far in kitchen stadium!  
  
Ota: Tell me about it! We've seen demons, perverted monks, and kitsune! This is so exciting!  
  
Speaker: Five minutes of battle... Remaining...  
  
::Miroku pulls out a cooking torch and starts flaming his food::  
  
Osamu: My, God! What a rare and exotic cooking technique! I must try this at home some time!  
  
::wax begins spraying all over the place, like rain. The host comes out and starts dancing under it, getting his clothes covered in wax::  
  
Kaasan: Oh my! The chairman is apparently enjoying this moment!  
  
Speaker: Three minutes of battle... Remaining...  
  
Kaasan: Oh, wow! Only three minutes left of this battle!  
  
Ota: As you can see, the contestants appear to be a bit frantic!  
  
::Miroku decorates his dishes, and sits down to take a breether::  
  
::Shippo pours wine into glasses, and sneaks a sip::  
  
Kagome: Take that wine away from him! He's no where near the legal drinking age!  
  
::Miroku runs up to Shippo (who is now chugging wine), grabs the bottle of wine from him, and starts drinking it for him::  
  
Kagome: Well, that's a little better, I suppose...  
  
Speaker: Two minues of battle... Remaining...  
  
Sessho Maru: Hey, I want some!  
  
Inu Yasha: Me, too!  
  
Kagome: Wow... he spoke!  
  
Osamu: I want some, too!  
  
::The three men collectively gather around the bottle of wine and start drinking it down::  
  
Miroku: Hey, this is my wine!  
  
Shippo: Actually...  
  
Speaker: One minute of battle... Remaining...  
  
Kaasan: Oh, my! Only one minute left of battle! And most of the men here seem to be enjoying kitchen stadium's large stock of wine...  
  
Ota: Kaasan! Kaasan!  
  
Kaasan: Yes Ota!  
  
Ota: It appears as if the men are drinking some sort of Italian red wine!  
  
Kagome: Do you guys have to comment on everything that goes on?  
  
Kaasan: Actucally, yes Hugurashi San! We are commentators, after all!  
  
Speaker: Ten seconds of battle... Remaining...  
  
Kaasan: The heat is on! Who's cuisine will reign supreme?! ( I love that line)  
  
Speaker: Five, four, three, two, one...  
  
::The men spit their wine out in shock::  
  
Miroku: Aaaw...The battle's already over?  
  
~~~Tasting and Judgement~~~  
  
Kaasan: Our Challenger has prepaired for us today a total of five dishes! First is tenderised salted mint wax! He claims that this reminds him of the first time he tried to touch Kagome's butt 'sweet yet painful... very...'. His second dish is wax sushi, saying that he was inspired by Japan's complex yet simple ways of life. His third dish is flaming wax covered alligator tumors, saying that he was inspired by Inu Yasha's disgusting ways. Next is wax cake! With a lovely tofu frosting, it's sure to be great! And finally, wax ice cream! This ice cream has a minty and cool taste...   
  
And our Iron Chef is presenting five dishes to us today! First is wax ice cream! He says he was inspired by his favorite food, ice cream! Next is wax rice balls! It seems as if bot of the contestants tried one traditional Japanese dish tonight! Third is 'falling acorns' which is wax covered acorns! How exotic and strange! Next is wax steak, which is just as it sounds, steaks dipped and cooked in wax! How will the panel react to this dish? And finally wax milk shakes! It seems as if our Iron Chef has quite the sweet tooth!  
  
Ota: And now, tasting and judgement!  
  
Kaasan: On the panel today we have:  
Dog demon Inu-Yasha  
High school student Higurashi Kagome  
Bishounen Sessho Maru  
and famous murderer Himowaru Osamu  
  
First we'll taste the challenger's dishes.  
  
::Miroku pulls in a cart with all his dishes::  
  
Miroku: First I'll have you try my tenderized saltes mint wax... please enjoy.  
  
Kagome: *chews it very slowly* This is... really... chewy... and disgusting...  
  
Inu-Yasha: *munch munch* The salt is a bit much... and are these leaves in here? *holds up a leaf*.  
  
Miroku: No, actucally I think Shippo was attempting to use magic on me, and missed. ^ ^ *points at Shippo acting innocent and whisteling*  
  
Osamu: Wonderful! You definately don't get food like this in prison!   
  
Sessho Maru: This wax.. is sticking to my nails... and my hair... Oh, my God!  
  
Miroku: Next, I present my wax sushi...  
  
Inu-Yasha: *shoves it all in his mouth at once* Not bad... The wax is nasty but the rest is good...  
  
Chairman: You're saying you don't like mint flavored wax?! :gives Inu-Yasha an insane look:  
  
Inu-Yasha: *shoves more wax in his mouth* Gulp... Did I say I didn't like it?! I love it! Love it!  
  
Kagome: This would be a bit better with meat in it, Miroku Sama...  
  
Miroku: *tear* Anataaaa! (darlingggg!) How can you be so mean to me?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Watch it, monk! *growls at Miroku*  
  
Kagome: *sigh* Here we go again... Please boys! We're on national TV!  
  
Miroku: TV? What's that?  
  
Kagome: Later I'll explain. ^ ^ Sorry all you viewers at home!  
  
Miroku: My next dish is flaming wax covered alligator tumors.  
  
Osamu: *chews* By God I love alligator tumors! Excellent!  
  
Sessho Maru: I feed my slaves crap better than this!  
  
Miroku: Thanks for the support...  
  
Kagome: It's good, maybe a bit too much.  
  
Chairman: Bravo! Good! Hahahaha!  
  
Miroku: Next is wax cake with a tofu frosting.  
  
Inu-Yasha: Not bad... A little on the chewy side...  
  
Miroku: Well, it is wax...  
  
Kagome: I think it's good... I like the frosting ^ ^-.  
  
Miroku: I like you too, Kagome!  
  
Kagome: Eh heh heh heh... yeah...  
  
Miroku: Finally, I present to you my delightful wax ice cream.  
  
Sessho Maru: I'm gonna gain a ton from eating all these sweets!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Poor Sessho Maru... NOT! Since when did my brother become a pansy!?  
  
Sessho Maru: I resent that!  
  
Inu-Yasha: I'm sure you do!  
  
Sessho Maru: Well, you wanna bring it on?!  
  
Inu-Yasha: You're on! *flicks a crumb into Sessho Maru's hair*  
  
Sessho Maru: NOOOOOO! MY HAIRRRR! DAMN YOU INU-YASHA!! *screams*  
  
::Kagome slaps Inu Yasha's hand, making him stay quiet::  
  
Kagome: Bad boy! Be good here!  
  
::Inu Yasha's ears go down, and he cries::  
  
Kagome: *hugs Inu Yasha* Gomen ne, Inu Channn!  
  
Miroku: *clears throat* Excuse me...? Uuh... Shippo's turn, anyway... *sulks off the set*  
  
::Shippo is pushed in on a cart with his dishes on it::  
  
Shippo: First, I have wax ice cream, of which Miroku stole my idea! Only people like me can make good ice cream!  
  
Sessho Maru: You mean KIDS like you! hahaha!  
  
::Shippo uses his magic to pin Sessho Maru on the ground::  
  
Shippo: Need I say more?  
  
Kagome: This ice cream is definately better than Miroku's! Good going!  
  
Osamu: I missed ice cream when I was in prison, we never got any...  
  
Sessho Maru: You little brat! I'll get you when I manage to get up!  
  
Shippo: My next dish is wax rice balls!  
  
Inu Yasha: *having trouble chewing* The wax is getting stuck to my fangs! Help!  
  
Kagome: A little too... Waxy...  
  
Host: *insane look* Too much wax, you say?! Too much wax!!!??? NEVER!  
  
Kagome: Eh heh heh... I mean... The chewiness is great!  
  
Shippo: Next is my favorite, wax covered acorns!  
  
Inu Yasha: How the heck are we s'posed to eat these, you rat? ::throws them at Sessho Maru, and they stick to his face::  
  
Sessho Maru: Youuuuu! I'll kill you Inu Yasha! Watch your back, hanyou!  
  
Inu Yasha: Oooooh, I'm sooo scared! And you let a baby kitsune put a spell on you! You have no power! HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Osamu: These are really, bad! How do you even eat these! These aren't made for humans to eat!  
  
Shippo: Ano... Next is wax steak. I thought the demons here would like this.  
  
Inu Yasha: *peels off the wax* Steak.... *digs teeth into it and swallows*  
  
Kagome: Good steak, a little too rare for my taste...  
  
::Miroku jumps off a balcony to Kagome's side::  
  
Miroku: Kagome! Is Shippo attempting to poisen you with undercooked meats?! How dare he?!  
  
Kagome: Uuuh.. I'm fine... It's edible, y'know, just a little rare. Not raw...  
  
Shippo: And finally, wax milkshakes!  
  
::Inu Yasha pours his shake onto Sessho Maru's head::  
  
Sessho Maru: *lets out a girlish scream* COLDDDDD!  
  
Inu Yasha: BWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Osamu: Good milkshake, really thick.  
  
Kagome: Lets wrap this thing up before the boys end up hurting eachother...  
  
Kaasan: With all the dishes eaten, only one thing remains! Who's cuisene will reign supreme?!  
  
~~~Tasting and Judgement~~~  
  
Kaasan: And the time has come, who's dishes were favored? Who will win! Now, the verdict!  
  
Host: And the winner is--- the Challenger, Miroku!  
  
Miroku: BWAHAHAHA! I WIN KAGOME'S HEART!  
  
*Grabs Kagome and escapes the stadium, sending everyone chasing after him.*  
  
Except...   
  
Sessho Maru: HELP ME! PLEASE, SOMEBODY! SHIPPO! CREEPY HOST! Anybody...?  
  
~~~End of Chapter~~~  
  
(A.N.:) Wow... that was a long chapter! I hope you enjoyed! Please review, and give suggestions for the next chapter, like ingrediants and characters...  
  
Thanks again! 


End file.
